A few nights ago my wife and I watched the documentary on Rob Bell called The Heretic. It was a good look at Bell during and after the fall out from his book Love Wins. As I have mentioned previously, Bell is perhaps the single biggest influence in my deconstruction. Watching this film brought back many of the feelings I had as I went through my deconstruction stages. A friend of Bell’s, comedian Pete Holmes, explains in rather blue language many of the stages former fundementalists go through in coping with their loss of faith. It rang so true for my wife and I.
One of the interesting things about Bell is his nonstop energy and drive for knowledge and understanding of the big questions in life. His Everything Is Spiritual talk is fascinating and thought provoking. At this stage of my life I have no answers to the questions, although I do know what I don’t believe anymore. But I’m at peace with that, as Bell seems to be.
If your interested in the questions Bell raises, or that I do for that matter, I recommend watching this documentary. If you have heard of Rob Bell but don’t know what the fuss is about, I recommend this film. If you have questions and you wonder if your the only one having them, again, watch this film. If all you’ve heard is second hand talk about who and what Bell is, watch the film. It’s always best to get info first hand.
I’ll be watching this again soon, and using it to better lay out the questions, stages, etc. that led me to the place I am now, and will share them here.
A brief post about the journey. I have been planning on writing more on my deconstruction/faith journey. This should be Deconstruction Pt. 3. But it won’t be, at least not in the way I planned. Recently I spent a bit of time messaging with a friend and follower of this blog. The topic was the posts I have done on my deconstruction. It was a very good discussion. And it has led me to want to detail my journey in, well, detail. But I’m finding it a bit of a challenge to make the notes I need to make to accurately write about what happened to me.
It could be the things going on in my life at the moment. My recent cancer surgery has left me with some hefty bills. In addition my wife and sons and I have taken on the big challenge of renovating our 221 year old house (yes, that is not a typo, it’s old). Without going into detail, suffice it to say that it is expensive and time consuming and exhausting at times. In addition, I have launched a Patroen page (https://www.patreon.com/marvborst) to promote my art and raise money for the bills that are pressing. That means spending time creating new art.
Whatever the reason, I’m feeling a little numb these days. The political landscape is driving me crazy, so that probably plays into it. The truth is I have left the religious arena for good. And going back to examine how that happened seems exhausting. When it was happening in a big way there was a rush to it, a feeling both exciting and scary. Now there is a peace, but also a struggle to look back in detail.
I will continue this, I will write in much more detail about deconstruction, but not today. I’m tired of religion. But hey, tomorrow’s another day and maybe I’ll be ready!
It’s been a few days since I posted. I think we’ll veer slightly into the spiritual realm here. I’ve been thinking about the writers/speakers that have influenced me along my spiritual journey. Maybe a little background first. My dad was a Baptist preacher for much of my life growing up. He also was a teacher, and for a brief two year span was a janitor. We’ll get to that in another post. So my formative years were in the church. There’s lot of ground we could cover, and again, we’ll save that for another day. But my dad was definitely the main guiding force during my early days. After high school I went to a christian college, a conservative one, in Miami. I attended churches that, while not baptist, were still in that line of thought for the three years that I attended the college. I spent the next two years attending an art school in Ft. Lauderdale, and attending church bit more sporadically. But I never left the conservative teaching that I grew up with, even as I tried to balance my tastes in music and art and culture with those beliefs. Eventually I married my wife, who grew up in a fundamentalist environment, and we set off having kids and starting our new lives. We became very involved in a local baptist church, eventually serving in many capacities, sunday school teachers, deacon, advisory board, young adult group leaders, Wednesday night kid’s group teachers, etc. I became very interested in christian apologetics during this time, and the advent of the internet gave me resources beyond just books. Francis Schaeffer in particular was very influential in my thinking during this time frame. His video series “How Should We Then Live” blew my mind. So we’ll put Schaeffer in as a big influence. A few years down the road, my wife and I were growing in what we viewed as the Christian walk and we were introduced to the concept of small groups by a close friend of mine. We were amazed by the community that could happen in them. My friend’s church sponsored my wife and I to go to a mega-church in Chicago for a small group conference. The first speaker we heard was John Ortberg, a teaching pastor and author. His teaching was eye opening. My conservative roots were worried but but I was enthralled by John’s teaching. To this day I love his writing. So Ortberg was a great eye opener and influence. Fast forward a few more years to a huge christian music event known as Creationfest. In addition to music, the event has daily speakers. The second year we went, they had a speaker I had never heard of by the name Rob Bell. I had never heard anybody like him, his teaching opened doors and thoughts like no one I had heard. I bought and read his book “Velvet Elvis” and I was never the same. It was the beginning of the end in some ways and the beginning of the future in other ways. So, Francis Schaeffer, John Ortberg, Rob Bell. I read and listened to many others, but these three were the big influences. I’ll explain how in future posts. Feedback time, who has influenced you?
Well here we go. I have occasionally thought about doing a blog over the years, I’m sure many of you have too. Honestly, this time I have just rushed into it, deciding to do it. So this will be a work in progress as I figure out what I want to write, post, create here. I plan on writing about some specific themes, themes that are important in my life like art, music, photography, faith, memories, family, friends. I will be looking for feedback from any wayward souls who have stumbled into here by design or accident. I’m purposely avoiding politics with this blog. Why? Because I feel that area is so toxic right now, we could get way off course. I’m not afraid to tell you where I stand politically. In fact let’s get that out of the way once and for all, and move on. I’ve been a registered, voting Republican since the age of 18. I voted republican in every election until 2016. I no longer view things through the same lens as the GOP. I would describe my current leanings as Independent/liberal. So there you have it. Let’s move on.
A little more about me. I’m 57, I make my living as a graphic designer, I’m married with three adult children. I’m a failed artist, we’ll talk about that in later posts. I’m an amateur photographer. I love music, but I’m not a good musician. I have recently had a bout with cancer. We’ll talk about that in a later post. I’m a spiritual traveler, having recently “deconstructed” from my past beliefs. We’ll talk a lot about that. I’m very nostalgic, ask my wife, I drive her crazy with my looking back! I’m hoping for feedback here, and I suspect my thoughts on faith will bring that.
So join me, let’s have some fun!